The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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