Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
