You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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