Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
