All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
