booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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