Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Operation Purity has been aborted
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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