Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
