I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
