Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
