If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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