My pussy is not your playground.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
