i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
