so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
