found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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