i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
