My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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