i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
