So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
