My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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