Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
