You really coming over, don't trick.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
