Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
