so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
