If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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