sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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