he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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