i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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