Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
