forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
