thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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