Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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