Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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