the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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