She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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