My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
