Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
