This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
