Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
