I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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