you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
