Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
