it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
