I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
