Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
