So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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