oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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