i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
