Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
