Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
