Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
