sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
