If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
