so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The air was thick with penises
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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